It's Friday, it's FRIDAY, Friday is my favorite day!

    Remember that song from JR High?  Oh the good ol' days. 
So, on my drive to work today, I had a million and one things running through my mind that I thought would be good to blog about.  I get to work, sit in my chair, pull up this blog thing, and............Nothin.  Everything that I wanted to tell you, GONE. But, I have to warn you, this may get LOOONNNNGGG.  So feel free to stop reading whenever you please because frankly, I wont be offended due to the fact I just want to blab and bitch for a while. 

    So, I will do my best to remember.
First off...I feel like my blog completey SUCKS.  I'm no good at putting pictures on here, making them look good and having a fun layout that everyone envies{did I spell that right?}.  Nor, am I very good at writing.  Oh well.. it's not the colors and the layout that should make people want to read my blog right?  Hopefully, i'm interesting enough to want to make people WANT to read this :) Although, I wouldn't know because no one comments dang it!  So, this is your challenge to tell me how i'm doing or what I could do to jazz things up a bit eh.

    Now...second, i'll let you in on a few{or too many} things that have been going on lately.  Remeber when I was contemplating on moving back home?  I was worried it wouldn't be the right decision and if it was something that I really needed?  Well.  I couldn't have made a better decision.  I really enjoy living there.  It's not quite ideal to the situation that I'd like to be in, however, for the next few months, having a free place to stay, a pool to swim at, and free food to take as I please, will be good enough for me!  When I lived in SLC, I worried about so many things and I felt like I had really bad anxiety.  I thought it would only get worse being around my family.  Don't get me wrong, I love the fam.  However, I just go crazy because I feel like the olds{momma and poppa bear} have hit that spot...you know, that place where you're stuck between a rock and a hard spot, I believe we all go through this, maybe more often then others.  It's tough to try an motivate the unmovtivated.  I would love to get my parents out and go on bike rides, or even get them to go on nightly walks like they used to do{every night}.  They talk about it, but getting them to do it is another thing.  My dad is having a tough time b/c his leg has all sorts of pains in it and has been having breathing problems with his asthma, and all he needs is to get huffin and puffin and get into more trouble.  My dad is the strongest man I know and has always been such a hard worker to provide for his family.  I don't know how he does it, but he gets by and makes ends meet off of one income.  I have been so ignorant over the past few years, not really understanding how serious his breathing condition really is, only because he doesn't show it, until just recently.  HA, and having to live with my wonderful creative mother, who loves to collect, make and come up with every idea possible before finishing the last, bless his little heart.  Let's just say, she's got a LOT of stuff! So, being home to kind of help out with groceries or cleaning is ok for me.  It kind of helped me open my eyes and appreciate things more, knowing really what it's like to live on your own, and depend on no one but yourself.  Living at home, having to buy laundry detergent or toilet paper really is no big deal.  Where as before, I would have been thinking "REALLY DAD?"  No one else's parents make them buy that stuff!  They live at home!  I used to get sooo angry when I'd have to buy my own shampoo and toothpaste.  I felt like I wasn't supposed to do that while living at home b/c none of my friends did, so in that case, I felt shafted.  So.. it's kind of nice feeling good about something I couldn't have cared less about in the past.  

    So{I feel like i've used this word too much?}, my work couldn't get any cooler I tell ya.  I know, I know, I should be thankful{and I AM} to have a job right now that pays decent wages considering the economy.  But, let's not promise things to everyone that, let's be honest, may never happen.  I was told I'd see this raise on my one year, and when that day came?  No raise, no explanation as to why I didn't get one, until I asked.  I understand that we are in a freeze on giving raises, but at least tell me there is a posibility that I won't be seeing this raise when I have my hopes up for a long while.  And also, I was pretty excited to get the lunch we were told about from the NCAA tournament we all participated in and once it was over... yes, again.. nothing.  Possibly they just forgot, which happens when things get busy, but C'MON PEOPLE!  It's bad enough that they blocked my only contact to the outside world{during the 8 hours that i'm here that is}: Gmail.  So now, I can't chat it up with red next door{Gen ;)}, nor can I keep myself up to date on a regular basis with my emails i'm gettin and when I do, it's an overwelming list of things that I won't have time to read.  So, I just stick to this blog thing, and heaven forbid they block this {fingers crossed!}.  I like to play solitare or minesweeper while I am waiting on hold for the pharmacy/adjustor/ carrier and all that jazz, and as I go to pull it up yesterday, to my surprize... BLOCKED.  Ah MAN!  What am I going to do with myself...{I promise, I really am a good hard worker even though through this post it doesn't seem like it {tee hee}}.  I just need side things to get me through my day, because having A.D.D{or so it seems}, sitting at a computer for 8 hours is probably the hardest thing i've ever had to do.  I'm surprised it has been working out this well for me. {Are you bored yet?...} But, with all that being said, I do however, enjoy my job.  I enjoy all the people I work with, it's fun to see what goes on in others' everyday lives and to at least have the opportunity to talk to each other being a call center type job and all.  I have a friend who just got a new job and they can't even have their phones on, nor are they aloud to turn around and chat it up... oh how much trouble that would put me in.  I'd be as good as taking a dirt nap and rolling over dead... they'd have to muzzle me, or tie me to a pole so I didn't get up and wander.

    So, as busy as my month has been, i've loved actually having my weekends planned.  Brando and I went to Powell, followed by Vegas 2 weekends ago, and last week{on my return from Vegas}, my older brothers flew/drove in.  I couldn't have been happier.  I haven't seen JR in over a year{ugh} since we visited him in New York, and Jeramie up and moved where the wind{or job} took him: Colorado.  It was so fun getting to hang w/ my little nephews who are getting so big and so cute.  It was the best feeling the other night when I went to drop off Benson's glasses and Ethan saw me walk through the door and right away he darted towards my leg wrapping his tiny arms around me to give me a hug.  I hope that it will always be like that.  I don't want to be that aunt that the kids don't really know because we never see each other.  And same goes for when Junior has his little tikes.  But i'm sure, with as close as we are, that will never happen.  Brandon, Leeser, Junior and I went bowling the friday he was here and it was so much fun!  Ricky is such a tard and every time he bowled he almost fell over or he ended with this goofy stance that made him look like he was striking a pose.  After every turn he'd take, the hand went up, and Ole'! That's what we kept saying.  I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.  Saturday, we attended Benson's baptism and it was really cool!  I can't believe he is 8!  That means, I am getting old{ish} and my brothers aren't teen  agers like I always imagined them to stay.  We went to Robyn's parents house after and I think that's one of the most memorable fun times i've ever had with them!  Robyn is always so good and so busy with playing mom, she never really shows her inner kid that I saw on saturday.  The kids did their own thing, and we did ours.  Robyn, you're a riot...I don't know if you remember playing "bum wars" on the tramp growing up, but let's just say we did that and it was HILLARIOUS.  I remember being part of the "kid" group in the fam and the older people always getting on the older kids for being too rough with us, or "no big kids on the tramp while the little kids are playing" only because we'd get hurt.  Yeah, well I never though the time would come that I would be that BIG kid that had rules and restrictions from the tramp.  So what do we all do?  Decide to go jump on the tramp...Let's say 5 grown ups on the tramp is SCARY.  I'm surprised we didn't break it{or us for that matter}.  After that I somehow got stuck into playing Tag with 8 year olds.  That was only fun for so long and then of COURSE the hose was brought into the picture.  I however, made it home dry and didn't get soaked.  Not too sure how that happend.  But, yeah.. That REALLY happend.  SUCKERS.
    So, last night Kendra and I went to dinner and it was so good to hang out again.  I haven't seen her in forever and I haven't felt like i've been the best friend that she's needed me to be, or given what I have to offer lately.    I haven't really felt like i've lived up to anyones expectation of what a friend should be toward anyone lately... But, I guess I have my personal thoughts on that.  I'm still trying to figure things out and it's not anything towards anyone. Anyways, we went to good old Spag Fac last night and it was like a walk down memory road with all of the people we used to work with{not really saying it's a good thing}.  Hayden is getting so big and he is so dang cute.  I seriously miss hanging out with that girl everyday like old days.  We use to have sooo much fun and we did things out of the ordinary and we were spontaneous and didn't care what anyone thought{run on sentence? I think so}.  Now, i'm boring and lame and have nothing to offer haha..

  That's what I miss. 

How lucky I am to have a best friend like that.  Even though things have changed so much and we have more responsibilites, and don't see each other as often as i'd like, I still consider her my best friend{and Kendra, you still better be getting that first tattoo with me like we always say!}. 

    IDK...it's a weird place i'm in right now.  I don't feel like i'm where I need to be when it comes to my job, my place of living, just everything.  I don't know if it's because I feel like the whole world is progressing and moving forward and doing things that I am just not ready to do yet?  I am not ready to get married.  I love Brandon to death, and I WILL marry him.  However, right now is not our time-YET.  I feel like I have life waiting for me outside of Utah.  I want to be able to explore the world, move places where i've wanted to live and I feel that if I were married, I wouldn't be able to find the money to do these things.  It's nice because I feel like the only person who knows where i'm coming from is Brandon.  He always is there by my side and we have a plan, and plan to stick to it.  Everyone thinks it's weird that I want to move out of state.  The questions come rollin' "Well why would you want to leave your family behind?"  I love my family, I do.  They are my life, but I can't live my life around theirs, making it the reason to hold me back.  My mom has always told me, make goals, to have dreams, and to work toward those dreams and not to let anything hold me away from them.  We all grow up, we all move away from our families and do what WE strive to do.  I don't plan on making it permanent, however, I don't want to grow up, have kids and wish that I would have done something while I had the chance, like my parents always talk about.  These are just some of the things that run through my busy mind on a daily basis.  

   So, on another note {and hopefully the last-don't say I didn't warn you about a novel}, I think this is a good place to stop.  But before I do that, I want to share with you where i'll be hanging out this weekend!  Yes, I know, another weekend that I will be spending my time somewhere besides SLC-Gen threw together a little weekend stay at her family's time share in Heber.  It's called Zermott, and there we will be hangin out at the hot pots(or springs), eating gelato, golfing and hopefully shopping!  It should be a good time. 

OoOk...my fingers hurt. 

love//cmar